KamiCats
by LadyGoslingGrimm
Summary: What happens when Hidan brings home three kittens, only to find that they're not all they seem to be? Akatsuki/OC
1. Chapter 1: The Arrival

**KamiCats**

**Chapter 1: The Arrival**

Kakuzu raised an eye at his partner when he noticed the three _squirming _bulges under the Jashinist's cloak.

"Hidan?" The violet-eyed priest glared at him, trying to adjust the garment. "The fuck do you want?" he snapped. "What's under your cloak?" the Taki nin asked. "Nothing, mind your own business." Hidan grabbed at whatever was falling lower in the red-clouded fabric. Missing horrifically, a white ball of fur fell to the ground and rolled towards Kakuzu.

Green pupiless eyes met sky blue ones as Kakuzu gazed at a white kitten. Hidan scrambled towards the kitten, scooping it up with one hand and glancing somewhat defensively at his partner. "They were a gift...," the zealot said, pulling a gray and black similarly sized cat from under his cloak.

"Dear Kami…what have you done Hidan?"

* * *

Hidan let the three kittens roll onto the couch from their spot in his arms. Standing back with his arms crossed, he frowned briefly as he looked at Kakuzu. "Kuzu, what are we going to do with them?" The tanned ex-Falls nin shook his head as if to ask what kind of question that was and picked the cats back up, placing the white one on his shoulder. "Let Sasori and Zetsu examine them. They have strange chakra signatures and they keep fluxing. Or did you not notice that while you were drooling over them like a lovesick girl?" he asked, striding off to the one hallway in the base that led to the only bathroom. It took a minute for Hidan to register the insult before leaping into action after him, "Hey fuck face, take that back!"

Kakuzu stopped outside the artist's door and knocked once before sticking his head in, "Sasori?" The redheaded Puppetmaster looked up from his maintenance of Hiruko. "Yes Kakuzu?" The stitched man held up the black and gray kittens with one hand, "Could you have a look at these for me?"

A dripping wet blonde bomber walked into the room with only a towel around his waist. "Hey Kakuzu, Hidan, Danna un." Sasori only nodded his head to his younger partner. "Put some clothes on, Brat." He said, returning his attention to the cats hanging in his face.

Deidara made a face at Sasori's back, going to lie down on his bed, grabbing the white kitten off Kakuzu's shoulder where it was batting at the Taki-nin's hair. Sasori pretended not to notice his partner, instead turning back to Kakuzu. "So how exactly did you come to be in possession of three _cats _exactly, Kakuzu?" he asked, launching chakra strings at the white kitten to bring it into his lap. Deidara protested to this sudden lack of small fluffy thing to play with and was met by a glare from the Puppetmaster. "Get dressed and you can play with him." Sasori said.

Kakuzu hid his smirk behind his mask as he handed the redhead the other two kittens, "Hidan claims to have gotten them from an old lady we met in the village we were scouting and I have no reason not to believe him, he gets presents like this all the time. However, the chakra signatures I'm feeling from them are spiking oddly, so I wanted to check with you before we decided anything."

Sasori paused in his inspection of the gray kitten to look at Kakuzu with a raised eyebrow, "You're not considering _keeping _them are you? Without considering the cost of…" The stitched nin nodded to the unfinished question. "I have. The pros outweigh the cons in this situation. Even with the unnatural feeling chakra, I think it would be more helpful than harmful to the organization to keep them, due to all the stress from the Bijuu hunt. The only real setback I can see is the cost of feeding them and such." Sasori sat back and gave a shrug. "Why not make Hidan do it? He _did _receive them as a gift. They're his responsibility." Kakuzu snorted, leaning against the doorframe, ignoring Hidan's outraged growl at Sasori's words. "Hidan? Be responsible? You might as well ask a brick wall to talk, Sasori. It's impossible. You should see the state he leaves our room in when I'm gone." Hidan made to elbow his partner in the ribs when Kakuzu glared down at him. "Don't even _think _about it, Hidan."

Hidan turned around, going back down the hallway, muttering "obsessive compulsive" under his breath as he walked away.

Sasori took this chance to put the three kittens on his bed, looking over his shoulder at the closet he and Deidara shared, "Brat, what are you doing in there?" he asked, barely raising his voice to carry to his partner. Deidara's voice came back, "Looking for my shirt…ahhh!" A small crash sounded and Sasori rolled his eyes, thinking of all the possible things the brat could have torn down in there. "I'm sorry, Kakuzu, Deidara seems to have broken something. Looking for a _shirt _no less. I'll examine the other cats, and take them to Zetsu if I cannot find anything." Kakuzu nodded, "Thank you Sasori." Turning, the stitch nin left the puppet master and bomber's room, searching for his own partner.

* * *

As the door closed, Sasori flicked a couple of chakra strings to lock the door and turned to the closet. "Brat, how hard is FINDING CLOTHES?! Our closet simply is _not that big!_" Down on the floor, tangled in a couple of shirt hangers and the accompanying shirts, Deidara had enough grace to look embarrassed, dressed in only a pair of black pants. Sasori waited for Deidara to look up at him, and then grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, hauling him up to his feet. Scanning the racks of his clothes, Sasori took a blue fishnet shirt off the hanger and gave it to Deidara. "Put it on brat and come see the kittens." Without another word, he left the bomber to get dressed.

Deidara looked around the corner of the closet doorway to see Sasori playing with the black kitten's tail. "Sasori no Danna?" The white kitten he'd been playing with earlier climbed up onto the Puppetmaster's head, almost smiling when she saw Deidara. Sitting down on the bed beside his partner, Dei gently removed the kitten from the red locks she had found to lay in. "What's your name beautiful, hm?" Dei murmured, scratching her head as he leaned back against a wall littered with scorch marks. The kitten emitted a soft _mrow _in response to his question and he laughed. "I think I'll name you Katsu, pretty lady hm."

Sasori looked up from his actions with the cat's tail. "You know you're not going to be naming her Deidara. We don't even know if we're keeping them." He said.

The blonde shrugged, "We will. Zetsu will find nothing wrong with them. Just because there chakra's all-"

BOOM!

A loud explosion rocked the terrorist against the wall. Cerulean eyes widened in horror as he saw the new black scorch mark on the floor, wall, and bed.

"Mew…mrew…mrowwww!" Loud meowing sounded from the blast site next to Deidara's bed as the missing gray kitten, which was now pitch black like its third companion, stumbled across to plop at the artist's feet and crawl into a pile of black sheets where it feel asleep from exhaustion. Being blown up can do that to you. The black and white kittens crept close to the edge of the bed to stare at the sheets with curious eyes, small 'mews' escaping with rasps of their tiny pink tongues.

"How did that happen? I swear brat, if you explode your infernal clay in here _one more time_ I'm making Pein give me a new partner. And I'll have a new puppet from my collection with your husk of a carcass." Sasori seethed, gathering up the three cats. "Danna, I wasn't even near the-"

"No _excuses _brat. Who are you trying to blame it on if not yourself? The cats?" With that, Sasori left the room, leaving behind a confused bomber and a newly burnt room.

* * *

"Zetsu…Zetsu…ZETSU! Good lord, appear you stupid stalk of broccoli!" Sasori walked around the base, peering into all of the rooms, occupied or otherwise. After seeing Kisame naked in the bathroom, the Puppetmaster decided to knock before entering. Making his way down the hallway that led to Hidan and Kakuzu's room, Sasori nearly ran into Tobi as the lollipop burst out of the Zombie twins room. "What the hell-" Sasori growled, grabbing the younger member by the shirt before he got too far away. "Where's your partner?" he asked, shaking Tobi. Stammering, Tobi uttered only a few words, "The g-garden S-Sasori-san. Please, don't kill Tobi!" Rolling his eyes, Sasori let him go, continuing to the back of the hideout where the Akatsuki's resident plant man was taking root.

Sun rays, cactus, chlorophyll….food?

For the first time in many months, Zetsu was taking a break and letting his leaves unfurl. Shedding the red and black cloak of the organization, he rooted in the middle of the patch of dirt he'd placed in the greenhouse, opened the sun roof and let the rays hit his shoulders. Several hours had passed since he'd done this when he'd smelled something…not _quite_ leafy and green. Ohhh…it was meat. Hot, juicy, bloody _meat. _

The grass nin started salivating at the thought of crunching bones and gnawing at flesh and muscle saturated in blood…

_Stop it._

An annoyed huff came from Zetsu's lips as his other half talked, stopping the delicious thoughts running through his head.

_**No one asked you to provide commentary.**_

_ Well clearly, you needed some before _you _took us on a rampage through the base to _eat _everyone._

_**You know you would have enjoyed it. Now just shut up and **_**open the goddamn door **_**so we can see who our delicious **_**guests **_**are. **_

Melting into the ground, he walked under the earth, resurfacing in front of the glass entrance. Unlocking it, the split-personality plant came face to face with a very annoyed Sasori.

"_Yes Akasuna? What would you like-__**Have you brought us food? We smelled meat…" **_Growling in disgust at the plant's food comment, Sasori thrust the three small furry things at him. "These-" he said, unwrapping the gray one from around his wrist, "are kittens Hidan received during his last mission. Kakuzu wants you to check their chakra for any _abnormalities. _It seems to spike unusually high but I've not noticed any extreme side effects. Then again, you'd know what to look for more than me. Give them back to Kakuzu when you're done, or Hidan. I'm sure he's wandering around somewhere." The Puppetmaster left, feeling his task of delivering the bundles, done.

Zetsu raised an eyebrow at the moving kittens in his arms. "_He wants us to examine you __**edible little morsels?" **_A rolling rumble came from the black kitten as it locked amber eyes with Zetsu's yellow orbs and put a paw on his chest. As soon as the white claw's touched the flesh over his ribs, his world went black.

* * *

**A/N: I FINALLY FOUND THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! Due to missing the final edit of the scene with Zetsu, I've put the story on Hiatus but now that I've found it, we shall continue! **

**A big thanks to xXIvoryElephantXx, DragonCrazy09, and xBUzzOFF15x for reviewing. I'm trying to keep the story as non-copied and non-cliche as possible. Please do tell me if it's starting to lean that way. **

**Next chapter we get the kitten's "names" as decided by the members and the backstory as to how they got there. **

**Until next time, I remain your faithful author, Blair. **


	2. Chapter 2: Dose of Drugs

**Chapter 2: Dose of Drugs**

It had been three weeks since the arrival of the kittens.

After Zetsu's prone body had been found in the greenhouse, Kakuzu and Hidan had assumed the kittens were good and clean, bringing their existence to the attention of Pein and Konan.

During what could only be called a restrained glomp-session (mostly by Konan) Pein had listened to Kakuzu's proposal for keeping the felines. True to his business man nature, Kakuzu had delivered a well backed up argument for keeping them, the least of which was a stress reliever to counteract the effects of the Bijuu hunt.

So, with the Taki-nin's brilliant argument and Konan's muttered threat to castrate him in his sleep if he didn't agree to keep them, the Leader of the S-class missing nin group agreed.

Now that the kittens were officially accepted, it just came down to naming them.

As this was not your normal "we're-having-a-child-what-do-we-name-it" squabble, nor a "we-just-got-our-son/daughter-a-puppy/hamster/fish " fiasco, the naming of the three kittens by a group of 9 mass murdering men and 1 moderately sane kunochi was not an easy affair.

Suggested names were put in a bowl and they each sat around the bar, looking at each other in shifty anticipation. The animals in question were sitting in front of "their" respective member, which they had chosen and grown increasingly attached to over the weeks. The grey sat with Hidan, the white with Deidara, and the black with Itachi.

Deidara, of course, had been adamant about naming the white one Katsu, after her resemblance to his clay. The resulting argument from Sasori suggested that the brat had taken his obsession with his so called "art" too far, trying to name animate objects after it. "You just don't see the beauty of it, Danna hn." Rolling his eyes, the Puppetmaster waved his hand to Konan to "please continue drawing." The Lady Angel drew several more pieces of paper, "Angel, God, World…. Pein-sama please tell me these weren't you."

The Leader of the Akatsuki suddenly found a far off piece of wall incredibly interesting as he was scrutinized by his second-in-command. "Pein….were these you?" Still avoiding eye contact, he nodded. Konan's eyes widened briefly before growing dark and the events that followed this happened so fast you almost had to have the Sharingan to follow them.

As Konan rushed forwards, Pein flipped backwards off his seat, standing upright a millisecond later to draw a glittering kunai against Konan's very much solid paper weapon. The air burst into a frenzy of electric sparks and whirling paper as the two locked eyes and slid backwards, Pein against the wall while Konan pushed forward. Her lips curved into a cruel smile as her face fluttered into pages briefly before settling down again. Pein's face stung from the close contact of the electricity and the papercuts now openly bleeding. "Never again. Show them no weakness and there will be none." Her lips didn't move, but they didn't have to for the Rinnegan wielder to know where they came from. A minute nod and they flashed apart, returning to their seats.

The table was so silent you could have heard a pin drop. "Are you alright Konan?" Sasori asked after a brief pause. She smiled, "Of course Sasori, why wouldn't I be? Now let's see who's next." Rummaging around the bowl, she pulled two pieces out. "Itachi's are Sasuke, Konoha, and Massacre. Grim much Uchiha? Not everyone wants to be reminded of your past when we see the cats. Tobi's suggestion is Blackey, Whitey and Sp-" She didn't get to finish reading before Hidan promptly punched him in the face as the names were drawn, nearly colliding with Kisame in the process of getting the lollipop to topple from his seat at the bar table. "Name my cats that you mother fucking pumpkin and I'll split your fucking head open! Why the fuck would you even think of something that fucking stupid in the first Jashin-damned place?!"

Pein sighed; this was why they didn't have big meetings. Everyone tried to kill everyone else. Meeting Kakuzu's eyes, he nodded towards the raving priest and sighed in relief as the threads in Hidan's neck started moving, slicing through skin to sew his mouth shut. It didn't completely silence him, but muffled cursing was better than the oncoming migraine he'd been developing. After rejecting several other "depressing, stupid, and childish" names from "men she would expect to have more imaginative thoughts" since they were missing nin and all, Konan was starting to get rather desperate as she drew the last three papers.

"Kisame….Sushi, Crab, and Shark. Why am I _**NOT **_surprised?! Dear god, you're all stupid! Unimaginative dangerous old men!" Throwing her arms up with a cry of exasperation, she walked into the living room and turned the TV on, determined not to let the stupidity get to her.

Pein read the two remaining papers and they all picked sides for which ones they wanted quickly, moving seats to accomadate the switch of favor. It had been Zetsu's suggestions of Kuro, Haiiro, and Shiro and Konan's Akaaksuaisu, Kurasukage, and Chikumo that were eventually decided to make a tie breaker.

"Well who wants to get us out of this stalemate? Hm?" It was Pein, Kisame, Sasori and Kakuzu for Zetsu's pick and Itachi, Deidara, Hidan, and Tobi for Konan. All eyes went to the leader and he looked at them incredulously.

"What the hell are you all…oh. No. I'm not switching. I LIKE Zetsu's pick. That's why I'm over here…with all…of you…" Pein sighed in exasperation. This was getting him nowhere. They were like a pack of rabid wolves, determined to force him into this. "Leader-sama, as much as I like Zetsu, I'd prefer not to anger the one female in the base. She will make this hell for us, if we do not agree." Kakuzu said, rubbing his fingers over the grey's head. Kisame grinned ferally, "I would hate to imagine what she would do to you personally if this weren't in her favor."

With a groan, he got up, making his way slowly to the other side of the table. "As the leader of this group, I am sorely disappointed to realize that you have turned on me like this. You're all getting extra missions." As that was said, the count of votes leveled to 6 for Konan, and 5 to Zetsu. Konan won. Celebratory drinks were given, much to the irritation of Kakuzu who wanted to know exactly where the hell she had gotten the money for a bottle of expensive champagne for _each and every member. _That detail was never revealed. Later, as the miser was counting his stash and hidden reserves, he found exactly where she'd gotten the funds.

Akaaksuaisu, Kurasukage, and Chikumo (the white, black and grey) settled into somewhat of a routine after the Origami Mistress had gotten them collars to show off their new names. Aka stayed with the two artists, occasionally wandering to the miser when Sasori and Deidara were off on missions, and was essentially an indoor cat. Kurasu and Chi stayed with Itachi and Hidan, but were more likely to be found out and about the hideout, jumping roofs and climbing the trees in the forest. Many search parties were put out for the two toms.

* * *

**3****rd**** Month**

"Please tell me someone has seen Kurasu. Or Kisame. Either of those two would be preferable." Deidara poked his head into the kitchen where Hidan and Tobi were locked in a strangle match. "Ughhh….windpipe! Gah, no Dei, I haven't. Why ya…cack!...looking for 'em?" The blonde let out a weak groan. "Itachi, he's gone absolutely crazy. Said Kisame kidnapped Kurasu…no idea why. But nobody's seen either of them. So he sent me out to look for them. Aka's missing too, but does it look like I'm blaming Danna?!" His voice started cracking as it went higher from agitation.

Shoving Tobi off and hold him back by a grab to the throat that started choking the kid, Hidan grabbed one of his pikes and shoved it through Tobi's shoulder. "Agh. Now listen brat. Do you want to look for the kitties?" He asked, looking at the eyehole in his mask. Biting back a moan of pain, Tobi nodded, wrapping his fingers around the pike and slowly pulled it out. "Tobi….Tobi is a good boy. He will h-help Deidara-ss-empaiii…" As the lollipop clutched the counter with one hand over his bleeding shoulder, they walked out of the base.

Miles away in the forest surrounding the summer base, Itachi Uchiha landed amongst smoldering ashes and breathed in the smell of burning pine. "Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!" Letting out the stream of breath he had been holding, the Sharingan wielder set the trees ablaze.

"Kisame…I'm going to find you. And Kurasu as well."

* * *

**A/N: And that's the end of the second chapter! My favorite scene would be Pein and Konan fighting. What was yours? **

**Next time we figure out where Kakuzu and Sasori have gone and what's going on with Kurasu and Aka! And why hasn't Chi dissapeared?**

**As always I remain your faithful author, Blair. **


End file.
